Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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