I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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