If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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