I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
