i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
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the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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