I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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