i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
