I think I am morally bankrupt
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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