A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
