we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
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