he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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