he wants to bone in the snuggie
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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