Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
