my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
