need another drink. this is the easiest way
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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