i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize