The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
