Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
pray to the hookup gods
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
