i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
