End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
