I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
