next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize