Porn is love you can see.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
