Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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