We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Randomize
