The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
