Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
