ugly people sure do ruin things
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
