What did we do last night that was yellow?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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