just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
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