Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
