I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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