umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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