He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
