You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
where does the pee come out of this thing
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
