Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
