I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
