Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize