I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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