chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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