So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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