UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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