When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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