I'm going to jail i love you
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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