Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
