imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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