she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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