My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
