you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
