You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
