I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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