I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
