he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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