jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
