How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
ugly people sure do ruin things
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Randomize
