too bad you live with your parents still
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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