Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
