Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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