Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
can u get pink eye on your cock?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
