she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
