Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
