dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
