that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
