There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
