New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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