Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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