went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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