Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
