Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
