I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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