Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
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