it wasn't lemon gatorade
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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