She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
