I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
