we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm at about main and main street
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
