a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
