watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
