So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
