I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
