So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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