And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
