I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
