Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
