something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
