Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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