well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
