Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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