I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
