East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Randomize
