Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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