I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
