Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
