If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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