video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize