I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
