I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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