would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
