K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
