I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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